my place

If your self-esteem is based on how many clicks left on your page or how many comments below your shots, and you are happy with whatever comes out, that's fine! But never EVER let your decisions become jaded by others' opinions, because passion is everything. It doesn't matter what you do in life and if other people think that you do it well or not.. if you have a passion for what you do, no matter what that is, people will see that and truly appreciate it and overall most importantly you will be happy ! Do what YOU want. If they don't like it, great! If they like it, great!

The following was a diary entry written two years ago. It popped into my mind when I bumped into Chen in the computer room yesterday. He has been living with his mom in a rented apartment around campus so she can keep an eye on Chen and take care of his life. Chen, however, has to locate a new apartment these days since the contract is about to expire and the landlord doesn’t intend to extend it. As we bade goodbye and I walked out, I brooded over what had been inflicted on Chen and his family over the last couple of years: their lives had changed tremendously since the summer of 2006. I feel sorry for him but content in the meantime - what would I be now if I were Chen? Could I step up to such curve balls that life threw their way? What I draw most from Chen’s case is that when we lose something we took for granted for so long, it could turn out to be everything.
And now, let’s flash back to the gloomy afternoon of September 9th 2006.

Yesterday I paid a visit to my mate’s home. His name is Chen and he is suffering from a sort of heart attack caused by flu. The situation is not very satisfactory, as he couldn’t make the slightest movements such as bike riding or floor cleaning and he could not even pick up a piece of newspaper whenever his body condition was extremely poor. Chen has to stay at home to rest completely for at least 3 months. (Afterwards it turned out to be the whole year.) He got the heart attack at the end of July, which means that he can’t study with us till early November. I am rather sad to hear that because we would be living in the same dormitory room, taking the same ‘advanced swimming’ course in the upcoming trimester, and  most importantly, he’s my good friend.

The sky was murky this morning and it was drizzling sometimes. I arrived at Chen’s home around ten o’clock with the materials from what we learned last week. We were full of glee to see each other again and then I set out to explain French and the linearity math lessons to Chen. But he was sweating and feeling sick even when just listening to my explanations. He had to lie on the bed intermittently to continue the whole process. Around half past eleven, his parents insisted that I should have lunch at their home, although I didn’t mean to trespass on Chen’s family’s hospitality in the slightest. During the meal, Chen’s parents told me that Chen felt lost and lonely at home with no mates to talk with and the inability of studying (he can only read half an hour per day). At about two o’clock in the afternoon, it was time for Chen to have a rest and I had to go.

Chen’s academic performance invariably used to be at the top level in our college but it seems that Chen’s current health condition may not allow him to work around the clock to catch up with other students. And apparently it will have an influence on his possibility to continue education in France in 2 years due to the lost credits of this trimester. Further, Chen’s illness has caused his family to face a financial burden newly imposed. Yet the suffering of Chen’s parents is far beyond financial concern. The vivid image of Chen’s mother, with tears seeping from beneath her eyelids during the lunch, is still embedded in my mind.

'I took pleasure when I could. I acted clearly and morally and without regret. I'm very lucky.'     

- Jeanne Calment

闻渊：今天我们有幸请到了恋爱达人莉札来到'涂鸦墙'，大家欢迎, 有什么问题请尽管提，莉札将会一一耐心解答。（掌声）

莉札：如果我是达人的话现在就不会单身了阿. 我就随便谈谈想法吧。一般来说，外向的人一般喜欢内向的. 内向的一般喜欢外向的. 好像蛮多人喜欢帅的, 也就是说你得花钱去剪个好一点的头. 或者你可以在你的周围找一个很会穿衣服的男的然后向他讨教. 你不需天天都穿的很好, 只要在碰到那个女生的时候穿好一点. 当然, 天天衣着得体对你的事业肯定不错的.

[…]

Q ：怎么约女生出来? 怎么和她说而不引起反感呢？

莉札 ： 你约她出来吃饭, 聊天, 看电影. Just be like...yo...I got some tickets to this great movie and my other friend bailed out on me to watch it...Do you have free time on Saturday? ...
Or like..."you know, the new harry potter movie sounds excellent.." and then she'll be like " yeah..i'm dying to see it." " hey, let's go see it this weekend." etc.  […] 然后你不要说太多, 让她讲. 仔细听, 问一点问题。如果她问你关于你的问题, 你不要全盘托出, 保持神秘感. 但是要诚实不能虚伪. […] 送花, 送卡片, 送吃的. 如果你以行动告诉她你喜欢她, 一般女生对会反过来喜欢你的. 特别是你送的东西她是能够在朋友面前炫耀的那种. We are human, if we're treated nicely, then we're pretty happy. 但是不能太大胆, 事么找个乐队来唱情歌阿啥的, 我有个男同学做过... 完败. 人家会被你吓跑了. 要Subtle.
如果她和你说话的时候弄头发, 就说明她喜欢你. 或者你讲的笑话她都很大声的笑.

Q : 最后临门一脚什么时候踢 ？是不是等她路头发的时候 ，我就表白呢 ？（笑）

莉札 ：Just tell her. You're a guy..If you don't do it...she's definitely NOT going to do it.

Plus, even if you get rejected, it's a great experience. We have to get rejected sometimes in our life so why not take a risk?
总体来说, 我觉得追女生要比追男生简单. 因为你想啊, 一个女生跑到你面前帮农讲她喜欢你多傻啊. 所以你相对有优势.

[…]

Q ：在追女生过程中会出现哪些常见错误呢？

莉札： 很多我认识的男生人真的很好, 就是追女生太急了, 造成别人的反感. 女生也是一样. 除非你肯定这个人也喜欢你, 不要帮她将你喜欢她. 这个世界, 没有人会去珍惜他们拥有的东西. [ 除了知道这个道理的人, 也就是说很少.] 所以要耐心.

[…]

Q：莉札，我有一点顾虑，不久我可能要和女友长期分开。我不想这一段仅仅成为我的经验值，我想要《金色池塘》里那对老头老太的效果。 (笑)

莉札：我觉得不在一个地方好像蛮困难的, 但是距离产生美啊. But yeah. That's true.. That's why it's not that important of what happens right now. I've done a study on my parents and their friends and most people they end up marrying are all related to fate rather than carefully planned events.
You think it's love forever right now...but with time and experiences, people change and you will too. It's almost inevitable.
我昨天有个朋友说了一句话蛮有道理的. "Don't take it too seriously, you need to learn the game and become a better person." 我们设法去追别人不是对于自我的贬低, 而是对于自我的锻炼. 所以step out of your comfort zone, and do stuff you wouldn't normally do. It makes you grow personally.

[…]

闻渊：谢谢莉札！谢谢大家！感谢莉札把她的经验无私地与我们地分享，但个人意见，仅供参考，同时也希望大家从中能有所悟所得，在与异性的交往中能知己知彼，恰到好处地处理关系。今天的讨论就此结束。（鼓掌）

clem.wenyuan@gmail.com

Dec, 2007